How would I feel
by Wiggle34
Summary: Ok More spoilers from Season Five here guys so be prepared for them if you not allready watched it.
1. Chapter 1

"Hypothetically speaking what would you feel if I was pregnant?" Kate asked Mike while standing on the bridge deck.

Mike looks down and then looks back up at Kate. He is unsure what to say to her or even how to say how he is feeling.

Kate looks at him after asking her question. She sees the different emotions passing over his face. When he looks at her she sees from his eyes he is lost.

"Mike are you going to say anything." Kate says to Mike trying not to get emotional

"What do you won't me to say Kate…." Mike says he then looks down at his hands that are on the railing.

"Mike it is just a question" Kate says to him knowing full well it has more meaning than just a question to both of them.

"So it is just a question to you is it X" Mike snaps back at her.

"Mike I just wanted to know how you would feel if I was?" Kate says back to him.

There is silence again between them Mike looks over the docks his hands are gripping the hand rail firming. Several minutes later he talks again.

"I feel lied too Kate, I feel used and most of all Kate I feel hurt…I can't do this…not here…not now." Mike says to Kate. Kate hears the emotion in his voice he is struggling to keep it together in front of her and the crew that might see him. Mike lets go of the rail and start to move away towards the bridge door and he walks past Kate she places a hand on his arm. He looks at her.

"Mike?" Kate says to him. He looks at her. When they lock eyes Kate sees the sorrow, hurt and loss in his eyes.

"I can't" Mike replies just loud enough for Kate to hear. She lets go of his arm and Mike then heads off to the bridge he then opens the door and enters the bridge. Leaving Kate on the bridge deck thinking.

Mike heads to his cabin to think.


	2. Chapter 2

**Five hours later**

**Mikes house**

Mike is sitting alone thinking about what Kate said to him on the boat deck.

How can she ask me how would I feel. She should know how I would feel surely?

He is away with his thought when there is the sound of knocking at his door he ignores it. Then his mobile rings. When he looks at it the screen it shows the caller is Kate, so he ignores the call. As soon as the call ends his house phone goes off. God can't they leave me alone.

Michael Flynn I know you are home so open this door we need to talk. Rings out from his answer machine the voice belongs to Kate.

Mike decides to go to the door. He opens it. Before he can say anything Kate is talking and pushing her way in.

"Mike we need to talk and we need to do it now" Kate says to him. Kate moves through to his lounge.

"So Mike am I going to get an answer from you or are you just going to leave me to guess how you would feel." Kate says to him. Mike says nothing.

"Kate I told you on the boat how I feel."

"Then Mike explains to me why you felt those things that you said to me." There is some silence before Mike speaks again

"So you want to know why I feel used, lied to and hurt then do you."

"Yes"

"How do you think I would feel Kate, when the one person who has had my heart for the last ten years decides to end everything and go back to their ex and tells me that he is not the reason for there being no future for us. What's next a marriage proposal so you can rub it in my face some more how happy you are with him. And what we had meant nothing to you."

"Come on Mike that is not true"

"Not true what am I meant to believe Kate. You won't tell me why we broke up so I can fix it. You do your dam best to avoid me outside of work. Then once you are back with Jim you happily spend time with me when he is not around. But any talk about us when I won't to do it, is not allowed but when you won't to talk about us I have to drop everything and talk to you."

"Mike that is not how it is"

"It is like that Kate you refuse to talk about us unless it is on your terms." Mike says crossly to Kate

"Mike I just wanted to know who you felt if I was pregnant how hard can it be to answer me?"

"Very bloody hard when it is the love of your life asking you how you felt about them carrying someone else child." Kate says nothing she just looks at the floor.

"Just go Kate I can't do this anymore. I can't just turn on and off my feelings for you as you see fit."

"I am not asking you to do that Mike"

"Yes you are Kate. Just go please" Mike says to Kate. Kate hears the pleading in Mike's voice for her to go. So she turns and heads to the front door. As she gets there she turns to see Mike sitting down his face in his hands looking at the floor he does not look towards her.


	3. Chapter 3

"Mike Flynn speaking"

"Mike, Maxine I need Hammersley sailing as soon as you can we have a suspect illegal entry vessel"

"Ok Maxine have the information faxed through to my RO."

"No problem Mike" they both hang up

_Great this is all I need. I don't get time to sit and figure myself out before I'm being put back on to the boat and near her. Right Mike you got to contact the crew and get back to Hammersley. Just send Kate a text it will be easier than trying to talk to her._

_God why oh why did I try to even think it would work out this time. Why did I not just listen to my fears, my worries? They were right she left me for someone else. Someone younger than me even. _

_Why did I let my heart rule?_

_Why did I even think she loved me as much as I loved her?_

_Who am I kidding I still love her that won't change._

_Though I can't believe I brought up marriage and rubbing it in my face that was a low one Mike. Even for you. I so want to fight for her, but I can't why fight for someone who doesn't won't to be with you._

_**The Following day**_

"Sir"

"What is it Dutchy?"

"You're assigned Captain Roth to the X's party Sir"

"Yes"

"I'm not sure if I should mention this, but ar I think it may affect operational decisions."

"Well if it does, you're got a responsibility to spit it out"

"He's ask her to marry him Sir" _Oh great one me and my big mouth_

"Thank you for bringing that to my attention, how every he highly capable field operative and in this instance I feel it is the appropriate course of action, carry on.

"Very good Sir"

_Great, just bloody great. Dutchy finds out things before me and I am the Commanding Officer of this boat. I had a right to know. Just bloody brilliant. Nothing I can do now. Why the hell did she not tell me this?_

Several hours later. Kate is leaving the bridge to board a vessel. Jim talks to her. Mike is not happy. He has been giving Kate and Jim the cold shoulder not really talking to them unless he really has too. Kate is starting to not like his attitude towards them.

_Dam Jim. Of course Kate is careful she always is dam well careful out there. She is the best dam XO you could have on a patrol boat. He does need to tell her to be careful. I think Dutchy and Kate can take the boat back to port. Get her off the boat here and away from Jim. Give us both some space before I say something I don't won't to say to her. Give me time to clear my head before I speak to her about it. Once we are back at base I will ask her out for a drink tonight and find out from her herself about the proposal._


	4. Chapter 4

_Ok Mike get this over with. You have your drinks now just ask her if it is true. You need to know. And it will only confirm everything to you._

"Is it true?"

"Yes but Dutchy shouldn't of said anything before I did"

"Don't you think I had a right to know…as CO of the ship?"

"As CO of the ship of course and I would have told you once I had time to consider it"

"Are you consider it"

"Yes I am seriously thinking about it"_ See I knew it Jim was the reason she left me. She never wonted a future with me_

"I see" _God how am I meant to do this. The love of my life loves someone else and does not won't anything to do with me personally. How am I meant to work with her now?_

_God what the hell do I do now._

"Kate did you even take into effect how I would feel about this. Especially with our past and you should have realised Dutchy would have to say something to me once I had assigned Jim to your shore party. But I shouldn't expect anything less from you should I. You get someone else to break the news to me and not yourself." _Because your too chicken to face me with it. Knowing full well I would be upset about it._

Kate goes to talk but Mike's mobile starts to ring. Mike answers it and turns slightly away from Kate.

"Mike Flynn"

"Hi Mike Maxine speaking are you free to come into my office I need to talk to you about a few things?"

"Yes I am free I can be there in 20mins?"

"Good see you in 20misn Mike"

"Ok Maxine bye"

"Bye Mike"

"Sorry I have to go Maxine has requested me at Navcom" Mike replies and gets up and walks away from the table.

_Thank god I have to go. I don't know how much longer I could have sat there. Could I have listen to her explain to me why she never told me but could tell Dutchy._

_Of course she would be seriously thinking about. She does not really love me. What I thought we had was just in my head. I was just something to fill in the time for her. Did she ever mean anything she said to me over the last few years?_


	5. Chapter 5

This is an Author Note not a chapter

Ok everyone you will find the sequal to this posted up now its called Feelings nad Trust I do hope you like it :)


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